2005-08-23
Finishing touches coming but until then...
Hi anyone still checking this. I still promise a final, farewell update to my Blog with pictures. I realize it has almost been a month. Ridiculous! However, I am in the process of designing a Geography of Europe course from scratch, and it is more work than I've had since taking language courses in June!
I know, I know... priorities. I should be finishing this blog before I go get wrapped up in a course that will only result in my being terrorized by some under appreciative college students for the next four months. However, the school pays me to do that, so that I do. (Partially, because I don't think Birgit enjoys being the only one bringing home any money. Particularly as I spend the silly green currency around here rather quickly, not on food, but on renting DVDs.)
But I'm not making sense. If you want to see what I've been up to the last week or so, please feel free to check out my boring course website and give me some feedback on it from a "European perspective." Next week, though, I promise a real shebang ending to this blog!!!
Seriously. (Quiet in the back!)
I know, I know... priorities. I should be finishing this blog before I go get wrapped up in a course that will only result in my being terrorized by some under appreciative college students for the next four months. However, the school pays me to do that, so that I do. (Partially, because I don't think Birgit enjoys being the only one bringing home any money. Particularly as I spend the silly green currency around here rather quickly, not on food, but on renting DVDs.)
But I'm not making sense. If you want to see what I've been up to the last week or so, please feel free to check out my boring course website and give me some feedback on it from a "European perspective." Next week, though, I promise a real shebang ending to this blog!!!
Seriously. (Quiet in the back!)
2005-08-01
Departing Thoughts...
Someone was just randomly eaten by a black bear outside of Duluth, Minnesota, today, and I think this is as good an omen as any that it is time for me to return home. I've been shit at keeping up the blog these past few weeks for a variety of reasons. Obviously, Birgit was here and it wouldn't really make sense to sit in a cafe with her and write about what she is missing. Second, the weather has become ungodly hot -- over 36 degrees Celsius (99 degrees Fahrenheit) everyday without any clouds to duck under -- so sitting in a sweltering cafe for an hour was not exactly appealing. Finally, I've basically checked out on vacation now. I'm planning my new course for the fall a little here and there, reading Nick Hornby's "Fever Pitch," and basically hanging out with friends at various watering holes and night clubs until sunrise every morning -- at which point it is time to go to bed, as the sun is coming up and it is too hot to do anything productive during the day. I've been watching Hungarian World Championship Water Polo matches -- I assume the U.S. doesn't even know they have a women's team that came in second place, but Hungarians partied when they took first by honking horns and singing football chants. I've gone to see some terrible movies -- "Hostage" (with Bruce Willis), some shitty, shitty, shitty movie with Grace from Will & Grace in it, and I'm pondering going to see "Batman Begins" today.
Birgit left for Vienna last Friday, and since then I've basically been pondering what I've learned from my stay here. I think I've learned that the left-wing anti-neoliberal people are even crazier than I thought they were last year. Though neoliberal theory is sound, they seem to have little or no grounding in reality when they argue and debate about how to resist and protest neoliberal transformations. After the summer, I can honestly say that I think P.J. Taylor's "Prime Modernities" book best explains what is going on with the spread of this "common sense" capitalism. A single trip to one of the gargantuan and insanely modern malls in every Hungarian city will tell you that people, poor or not, enjoy consuming. They want to do it, even if it means they are supporting a system that will eventually make them redundant when the company finds cheaper labor one state over.
I've also decided to stop resisting my urge to own nice things and just damn well participate in the capitalist system. For two years now I have been having a moral debate about whether or not it was okay to own a car, okay to have a nice computer, okay to just buy a shirt because I thought it looked nice, okay to spend money on frivolous things like concert festival shirts... but who the fuck cares? Why am I making my life utterly miserable for no return? The world isn't better if I buy shittier things or hide my economic advantage under a pillow. I'm just hurting myself. And to be honest, if there is anyone I should be supporting, it is myself over a bunch of raving academics. If we can afford a nice house and a nice car, I'm damn well for buying them! (Pisti's Ford Focus was the first time I ever realized that a nice car is just that -- damn nice, and far better than the Kia piece of crap I have!) I'm not going to live a poor life now because I feel guilty about my economic position in the world. I'm not going to go around purposefully being pompous and screwing people either, but shit... I've been living a lie. And it has been tough, because I come from a poor (by U.S. standards, shithole) city and I left it behind. I've been trying to fit in there with my friends and family, trying to fit in with the wealthy in the Twin Cities, trying to fit in with wealthy Hungarians, while trying to interview the poor and down and out here at the same time. It's been a huge act and it has kind of been tearing me apart.
This is not to say that I am not interested in understanding how neoliberal capitalism works, etc., but for a while, I think I got caught up in trying to live with and resist the metaphor that these theories are. The reality of my life is, regardless of the system around me, I want to get through life in the most comfortable way possible for myself, family, and close friends. I want to help people I think deserve help, and ignore the rest. I don't want to critique every action of my daily routine within this theoretical framework. And to be honest, I'm sick of critiquing others' actions too. It seems juvenile. I'm at a university in a department that pays some of its professors over $100,000 a year to analyze and problematize the evils of the capitalist system and ways of resisting it. Some of these people bash my "successful" relatives mercilessly in class without knowing what the hell they are talking about. Some of the theories are good, but this activist research stuff... give me a break. You might as well join a nationalist front! These people come up with all these grandiose theories that are as useful in explaining the economic situation of the world as propaganda put out by the Nazi Party in 1930s Germany. How can I take this shit too seriously?
Basically, I have figured one major thing out this summer: things change with age and that is okay. I am different now than I was when I previously visited Hungary. I am more conservative in many ways. I don't think loud motorcycles are cool or that getting trashed at a punk concert is much fun anymore. (Of course, though I say I'm conservative, I'm also a little more accepting of other people's differences. I think it is great that people still do get trashed at punk concerts and drive insanely on motorcycles. But when I was 21 I could not respect the fact that some people, most people!, liked other types of music than what I liked.) I prefer electronica over grunge, jazz over pop, social drinking over shit-facing, conversation with two good friends over a party full of women, hanging out and doing nothing over running around seeing everything (basically to later tell people I've been there), and air conditioning over the smell of Europe rotting from the inside out. I like nice cars over shit ones. I like owning nice things -- like my Zen player and a digital camera. And the biggest difference is: I'm not afraid to admit that I like nice things anymore. I'm sick of bashing people with money and nice things, which I have made quite a profession over the past five or six years. I like the same things, that's the main reason I have been bashing them. I always hid my jealousy under an academic critique, pulling theories out of my ass and hurling them like water balloons at whatever made me feel inferior at the time. Now, if I like something, I think I'm just going to work at getting it for myself too. (Of course, I'm lazy as all hell, so I may never acquire half of the material things I lust after, but I'm not going to hate myself for thinking that riding in a black Beamer to an island night club isn't cool! That was rad!)
One other thing I learned -- you can't buy or find incredible friendships. They just kind of happen. And I feel really lucky that in my life I have bumped into such a slew of cool people, many of whom I bumped into in Hungary. They seem to accept me for who I am, and I've accepted them for who they are, and this has nothing to do with capitalism or modernity or anything. It has to do with the fact that I've bumped into nice people and have mostly succeeded in avoiding assholes. I consider my two friends under house arrest in Luxemburg to be two of my best friends ever, and I didn't even really know one of them before this summer! It is incredible how much fun I had with them doing relatively little and having not seen one of them in seven years! It was so great to sit and click ("click it or ticket") -- just enjoying the company, chatting, and laughing at life! I'm going to miss meeting up with them so regularly, but the fact that we have seriously begun planning our trip to Mexico this Christmas makes me happy! The Gavel Family... unbelievable! I mean, here is a family I actually feel a part of and I see them about once every three or four years. They have been nothing but sincerely nice to me, and it has been great getting to know these people again. Sissi in Vienna... I never would have imagined that after a ten week half-baked Hungarian language class, I would make a life-long friend like that. (Birgit was invited to stay in her apartment on the way home from Budapest even though Sissi wasn't even there!) I met some new people in my language courses this summer who are also hilarious. I don't know... bumping into people is always a little bit like jumping into a mudpool in Africa -- you never know what kind of animal you are going to find in there. And I am just so damn happy I've met such enjoyable people and had the chance to maintain friendships with them!
This is starting to get corny, but seriously, being with friends is the main reason I've enjoyed the summer here -- the people. My friends. My wife. Hungary has changed in meaning for me -- it used to be my refuge, my way of escaping the West. Now it is part of the West, and is no longer symbolic as a place to run away to, but of returning. Returning to see people that I care about and that care about me. And that makes Hungary far more important to me than it ever was before.
That's all for now. One last, long, and less sappy entry when I return to the U.S. I promise lots of pictures from Eger, Pecs, Budapest, and well... who knows where else?
Signing off,
Ian Alexander Oas Muehlenhaus Bin Abdul Aziz, III
Birgit left for Vienna last Friday, and since then I've basically been pondering what I've learned from my stay here. I think I've learned that the left-wing anti-neoliberal people are even crazier than I thought they were last year. Though neoliberal theory is sound, they seem to have little or no grounding in reality when they argue and debate about how to resist and protest neoliberal transformations. After the summer, I can honestly say that I think P.J. Taylor's "Prime Modernities" book best explains what is going on with the spread of this "common sense" capitalism. A single trip to one of the gargantuan and insanely modern malls in every Hungarian city will tell you that people, poor or not, enjoy consuming. They want to do it, even if it means they are supporting a system that will eventually make them redundant when the company finds cheaper labor one state over.
I've also decided to stop resisting my urge to own nice things and just damn well participate in the capitalist system. For two years now I have been having a moral debate about whether or not it was okay to own a car, okay to have a nice computer, okay to just buy a shirt because I thought it looked nice, okay to spend money on frivolous things like concert festival shirts... but who the fuck cares? Why am I making my life utterly miserable for no return? The world isn't better if I buy shittier things or hide my economic advantage under a pillow. I'm just hurting myself. And to be honest, if there is anyone I should be supporting, it is myself over a bunch of raving academics. If we can afford a nice house and a nice car, I'm damn well for buying them! (Pisti's Ford Focus was the first time I ever realized that a nice car is just that -- damn nice, and far better than the Kia piece of crap I have!) I'm not going to live a poor life now because I feel guilty about my economic position in the world. I'm not going to go around purposefully being pompous and screwing people either, but shit... I've been living a lie. And it has been tough, because I come from a poor (by U.S. standards, shithole) city and I left it behind. I've been trying to fit in there with my friends and family, trying to fit in with the wealthy in the Twin Cities, trying to fit in with wealthy Hungarians, while trying to interview the poor and down and out here at the same time. It's been a huge act and it has kind of been tearing me apart.
This is not to say that I am not interested in understanding how neoliberal capitalism works, etc., but for a while, I think I got caught up in trying to live with and resist the metaphor that these theories are. The reality of my life is, regardless of the system around me, I want to get through life in the most comfortable way possible for myself, family, and close friends. I want to help people I think deserve help, and ignore the rest. I don't want to critique every action of my daily routine within this theoretical framework. And to be honest, I'm sick of critiquing others' actions too. It seems juvenile. I'm at a university in a department that pays some of its professors over $100,000 a year to analyze and problematize the evils of the capitalist system and ways of resisting it. Some of these people bash my "successful" relatives mercilessly in class without knowing what the hell they are talking about. Some of the theories are good, but this activist research stuff... give me a break. You might as well join a nationalist front! These people come up with all these grandiose theories that are as useful in explaining the economic situation of the world as propaganda put out by the Nazi Party in 1930s Germany. How can I take this shit too seriously?
Basically, I have figured one major thing out this summer: things change with age and that is okay. I am different now than I was when I previously visited Hungary. I am more conservative in many ways. I don't think loud motorcycles are cool or that getting trashed at a punk concert is much fun anymore. (Of course, though I say I'm conservative, I'm also a little more accepting of other people's differences. I think it is great that people still do get trashed at punk concerts and drive insanely on motorcycles. But when I was 21 I could not respect the fact that some people, most people!, liked other types of music than what I liked.) I prefer electronica over grunge, jazz over pop, social drinking over shit-facing, conversation with two good friends over a party full of women, hanging out and doing nothing over running around seeing everything (basically to later tell people I've been there), and air conditioning over the smell of Europe rotting from the inside out. I like nice cars over shit ones. I like owning nice things -- like my Zen player and a digital camera. And the biggest difference is: I'm not afraid to admit that I like nice things anymore. I'm sick of bashing people with money and nice things, which I have made quite a profession over the past five or six years. I like the same things, that's the main reason I have been bashing them. I always hid my jealousy under an academic critique, pulling theories out of my ass and hurling them like water balloons at whatever made me feel inferior at the time. Now, if I like something, I think I'm just going to work at getting it for myself too. (Of course, I'm lazy as all hell, so I may never acquire half of the material things I lust after, but I'm not going to hate myself for thinking that riding in a black Beamer to an island night club isn't cool! That was rad!)
One other thing I learned -- you can't buy or find incredible friendships. They just kind of happen. And I feel really lucky that in my life I have bumped into such a slew of cool people, many of whom I bumped into in Hungary. They seem to accept me for who I am, and I've accepted them for who they are, and this has nothing to do with capitalism or modernity or anything. It has to do with the fact that I've bumped into nice people and have mostly succeeded in avoiding assholes. I consider my two friends under house arrest in Luxemburg to be two of my best friends ever, and I didn't even really know one of them before this summer! It is incredible how much fun I had with them doing relatively little and having not seen one of them in seven years! It was so great to sit and click ("click it or ticket") -- just enjoying the company, chatting, and laughing at life! I'm going to miss meeting up with them so regularly, but the fact that we have seriously begun planning our trip to Mexico this Christmas makes me happy! The Gavel Family... unbelievable! I mean, here is a family I actually feel a part of and I see them about once every three or four years. They have been nothing but sincerely nice to me, and it has been great getting to know these people again. Sissi in Vienna... I never would have imagined that after a ten week half-baked Hungarian language class, I would make a life-long friend like that. (Birgit was invited to stay in her apartment on the way home from Budapest even though Sissi wasn't even there!) I met some new people in my language courses this summer who are also hilarious. I don't know... bumping into people is always a little bit like jumping into a mudpool in Africa -- you never know what kind of animal you are going to find in there. And I am just so damn happy I've met such enjoyable people and had the chance to maintain friendships with them!
This is starting to get corny, but seriously, being with friends is the main reason I've enjoyed the summer here -- the people. My friends. My wife. Hungary has changed in meaning for me -- it used to be my refuge, my way of escaping the West. Now it is part of the West, and is no longer symbolic as a place to run away to, but of returning. Returning to see people that I care about and that care about me. And that makes Hungary far more important to me than it ever was before.
That's all for now. One last, long, and less sappy entry when I return to the U.S. I promise lots of pictures from Eger, Pecs, Budapest, and well... who knows where else?
Signing off,
Ian Alexander Oas Muehlenhaus Bin Abdul Aziz, III
