I, Muehlenhaus. U, Riedermaus.

This one comes from the Atlas of International Affairs 1919-35. The map title is: The Independent States of Africa.

I think perhaps it may have better been called: What the Europeans Have Not Subjugated... Yet. But self-reflection was never the geopolitician's strong suit. Thank heavens for critical geopolitics and thinkers like Geroid O'Tuathail!

From a cartographic perspective, at least they filled in all of the white space with a list of European states that control the rest of the land. Still, they could have even done a better job here too! Egads...

Map Title:
Encirclement

From:
The War We Are In
View 1. Issue 1. Winter 1960.
Hamilton, OH: Champion Papers

Available at Borchert Map Library, University of Minnesota:
D844.w3 1960

This one is courtesy of the CIA website. This is the map used by Kennedy to show American people the range of Soviet missiles in Cuba. In the words of Bob Dylan: "Wowee, Pretty scary!"

The Nazi version of the Commonwealth map above. Slightly different coloring than the Brits have. I love this map. First of all, the yellow and black -- dangerous like a bumble bee. Second of all, the Germans include every colony -- past and present -- on the map, without differentiating by value or hue. The world look primarily British, even though it really was not. The islands glow like lightning bugs, don't they?!

Life has been completely hectic recently, and I'm loving it! I am delving headfirst into my research these days, at the expense of many other things. I have been raiding different map collections at different libraries across the Twin Cities and spending countless hours digging through maps at the Macalester and Borchert Libraries. I have already found hundreds of maps, so now the trick seems to be limiting my sample to 300 maps for deconstruction. That is a great feeling, though!

***
Stranger still has been the fact that my outburst of applications has actually resulted in a relatively rapid interest in my availability this fall. In fact, I have already interviewed at two of the three places I applied! The best feeling is that no matter what happens or what I decide, I already have a job lined up next year -- teaching a course each semester at Macalester College in Geography and International Studies. But, that being said, I am really hoping to hear back from the place I applied and haven't heard anything from yet. I won't say where it is, but I will say it is probably the best fit for me and would work best.

***
On Friday I participated in the National Geography Bee at Macalester College. I was an official score keeper. It was really zany -- tons of kids and parents and a whole lot of trivia. It was a blast, though! Some of these kids were absolutely phenomenal! It came down to the wire and I felt really bad for the runner up -- a girl who had been a finalist the year before too. But there is always next year! Anyway, it was stressful watching these kids, much less keeping tabs on their score with 150 parents watching you. Plus, the markers they gave us -- official NGS Sharpies -- were starting to make my head spin by the end of the first round. It was a tough job, but heck, at least I got a free t-shirt out of the deal!

***
Brian and Michelle McManus -- two friends from Penn State -- came over to the Cities this past weekend. I hadn't seen them in years, but damn it was fun! After meeting them at the E-Block, we went to a Twins game. It was my first, and probably, one of my last of the year. I love baseball and I really like the Twins, but the Metrodome is a pretty lousy place to watch a game. At least they won. On Saturday, we met up again and Birgit and I had them over for dinner. Then we went to some micro-brew pub in downtown St. Paul. It was here that everything got really surreal. It turns out that the professional lacrosse team, the Minnesota Swarm, were having their end of the season party at this pub. So suddenly the bar was full of bleached blondes and huge Canadians missing their teeth. When Brian went to the bathroom, he ended up befriending one who was drinking from the faucet and talking about the Twins prospects this season. A very odd experience for a legally blind guy from Pennsylvania!

***
The ultimate take-home product of the weekend, though, comes from my friend Brian. He had heard that if you open all of the doors on the Metrodome at once, everyone will be sucked out of the building. Okay, so that is an embellishment, but he had heard that there is a massive wind force when you open the doors of the Metrodome. So he and Michelle, after going to a second game on Saturday, stood outside and videotaped people being blown out. It is absolutely hilarious! Look for the kid screaming "My hat, my hat!!!" and also the guy that loses his sunglasses. Stellar video, Brian!

***
In a nutshell: life is good. I can't complain. I am tired, busy, and still waiting to see what I will be doing next year, but I am happier than I have been in years. Thanks for asking.

It's amazing what a difference a week makes. Whereas last week I was emotionally distraught, had a mountain of work accumulating on my office desk, and was really looking forward to a week off from lecturing, this week I am feeling much less miserable, have made a dent into the mountain of work that had accumulated on my office desk (notice: it is not still growing, which is a positive change), and I can't wait to get back into the classroom.

One reason for my positive outlook -- I not only finished coding 50 maps, but I figured out how to export my data from Atlas.ti into SPSS for descriptive analysis. I can now cross tabulate different maps in my sample for similarities and parallels among their visual manipulations. If this doesn't make sense to anyone, don't worry, I haven't figured out how to communicate it in words yet. That's what my dissertation chapters are for. Suffice to say that I overcame a huge methodological hurdle this weekend. It all works as I hoped it would! I can't believe it!

This doesn't guarantee interesting results, though. That is still something I have to keep my fingers crossed on, but so far I have uncovered enough preliminary information to present at the AAG conference and probably write a publication, which feels really good. In fact, recently I have been craving an opportunity to publish. Perhaps due to all of the job applications I wrote; I was stung by the writing and research bug again. It feels great, because I haven't felt this way since I was finishing my Master's thesis. It means I am finally researching something that interests me again. Yippeeeee!!!

Since I have been on a roll with applications recently, I decided to spend most of last night and three hours this morning writing a proposal and filling out an application for a fellowship. I have no idea if I have a chance for it, but I actually kind of missed applying for something this week (perhaps I am suffering from a warped, academic version of Stockholm Syndrome). So yesterday at around 4pm, I just sat down and started hammering out a six-page proposal. I finished it before 9pm, went downstairs and watched some TV with Birgit, and played a round of Venture. Then this morning I woke up, and since Birgit and Mette were still asleep, I decided I should proof and touch up what I wrote last night. I sneaked upstairs and worked on the proposal from 8 until 11 and it is now done. It feels great to throw something else out into the wide world of academic jobs and funding!

I still have a pile of grading to complete this weekend; so my attention now shifts to that. I shoveled and walked Mette around the lake this morning, so now Birgit and I are off to a coffee shop to spend the afternoon making finish the piles of papers that are perched perilously about our house -- on top of the couch backrest, on the edge of a coffee table, on the dining room table, on the edge of my desk, and even on our bedroom nightstands. She normally has more grading to do than I, but this week I think I have her beat. I dread the day that Mette gets bored and just snipes a student's paper and eats it.

That's about it. I think I have truly recovered from the Ben incident. I am sure it will be awkward at times, but I am past the feeling sorry for him, feeling sorry for me, being mad at him, being mad at me, and several other stages of grieving. Now I'm just kind of ready to make my cart class incredible, have fun teaching at Macalester, submit something for publication, wait to hear back from these job apps, and plan Birgit's and my trip to France this summer -- I'm going to be Godfather! Yeah!

I also received my midterm evaluations for Cartography. They were mostly positive. As is usual, students are asking me to slow down; so I will try my hardest. I just get a little carried away, but they are paying to take notes, so I need to give them a chance. The students seem to be enjoying the class, though, which is good. However, the sample size was a little small, which was disappointing. Still, it was good to get feedback from a class that is going to change dynamically once they hear how their TA died. I have decided to just be open about it; no sense trying to hide any shame. It is just plain sad.

Working on a map of African maize production now for a colleague at Macalester. Luckily I made one of global maize production some time ago, and because the data is vector, I just clipped out the rest of the world and resized Africa. Almost done!

Got three maps coded today for my dissertation, but the good news is that I set up Atlas.t/i with 103 codes and I am now ready to roll. I also met up with a student at Coffee News and chatted about Russia, Hungary, the current election, and extremist liberals. It was a great conversation and felt good to get back to school topics rather than dwell on life and death. I really enjoy chatting with students. It's what makes life worthwhile. Plus, I forgot how much I like dumpy cafes too... free refills!!!

Finally, I spent the late afternoon chatting with Kenny about existential stuff and Obama's incredible speech today. I caught the start of his speech on MPR while on my way home to let the dog out today, and I had to sit in my parked car in the garage and hear it to the end. It was awesome! Likely the best speech I have ever heard delayed one hour... the best in my life? Maybe. It was incredible. I am curious to see how the media can counter his speech -- they always have to look for some type of scoop. It was the most masterful use of rhetoric and argument I have ever witnessed. I highly recommend listening to it on NPR or wherever -- it is everywhere for free. Riveting stuff.

Yes, politics has got me out of my funk -- albeit briefly. Pitiful, I know.

Adam called from Estonia today. I'm happy for him. It was great to hear from him. It really sounds like things are looking up for him there. He even has a job with a California law firm! I wish I could explain, but I can't; let's just say it is quite the resume stuffer!

Enough... back to Africa. Must finish it tonight so I can start my next mapping project. I found the National Potato Council, and you won't believe this (whoever "you" are), but they have global potato yield and export data!!! I am going to make the best potato maps ever! It's the year of the potato after all. Birgit came up with the great idea to put a transparent potato skin in the ocean background. Oh yes!!!!!!!! Just not enough time... must get to work...

I was just feeling as though I was getting through this sh*t, and then at the funeral it turns out that Ben did not die from epilepsy. Let's just say it was far more tragic than that. He succumbed to "depression and anxiety."

It's an absolute tragedy now. Full blown. Here was potentially one of the most gifted, insightful, and stunningly bright cartographers to come along since MacEachren, heck maybe even Jenks, and nobody, including myself, thought to let him know that though grad school is tough, everything was going to be alright. Emotionally I keep flying between wanting to sob and wanting to scream right now. What the hell?! What the hell?! What the hell?! Why, Ben?! Why?!

I met with Ben last October at Mapps Cafe. I remember where we sat. I remember Adam walking to the trash can and emptying it and saying hello. Both Adam and Ben are gone now, but one is in Estonia and one is six-feet under. Weird. At Mapps I talked with Ben about how his first semester of grad school was going, and he said the program was not what he expected. That he was having a bit of a tough time with it. I remember telling him to hang in there. It doesn't matter if you are Penn State or the University of Alaska, the first semester of grad school is always a tough pill to swallow. It is so different from everything you know about university and everything you think it might be coming in. It is intense. And your brain feels like it is going to explode. It is boot camp for critical thinking and massive data dumping. I told him that a lot of people need shrinks or drugs (legal, of course, though some illegal) to get through grad school sane. Hell, I've seen plenty of shrinks; I love 'em! But he said he was doing fine, just a little stressed with all of the readings and work, which is to be expected.

Then the illnesses began -- first I heard of them were in early November. Missing classes. Rumors start to spread that Ben is seriously ill -- some kind of neurological disorder. I met with him again in December. This time at the Dunn Brothers Cafe in Wilson Library -- sorry, Mapps. He said the docs couldn't figure it out, but that he was feeling better. It was a neurological disease of some sort. He was going to finish a couple of papers over winter break and be done with the tough semester. The point is, I didn't see him screaming for help, because he was always very calm and collected when he spoke.

But sh*t, he was screaming for help. I just missed the signs!!! Calm and collected means caving in grad school, which is why you see most grad students pulling their hair out and very few faculty with any hair left to pull on. (Eyebrow plucking is a good substitute, I hear, but a little bit more eccentric.)

So this semester after starting off great, Ben stopped showing up to my lectures after I kindly asked him to be a little less outspoken during class because I got flustered when he would interject and add his two-cents. I re-emailed him several times to let him know that I asked him to be less outspoken because I respect him as a friend, and I didn't want to get bitter as the semester wore on. I noted that I couldn't wait until we were simply classmates again. I told him that I was sure he would be a great instructor of the same course someday. He didn't respond very much. He said sorry, and I said not to worry about it and that it was water under the bridge. But he stopped showing up to lecture, even when I made it clear that I would love to have him there because he is so knowledgeable. And then he stopped coming to the labs... and then the tragedy. And now I feel like a schmuck. He didn't die of epilepsy. Anxiety and depression "killed" him. Anxiety and depression...

Ben is my second friend to die. The second to end his own life. Some f*cking friend I am.

I figured that drinking was immature and a self-destructive way to deal with the loss of a friend. Running wasn't really an option either, because I'm simply out of shape. So after spending Thursday in shock and flailing about on Friday like a duckling that hasn't found his wings yet, I finally discovered my stability in the oddest of places -- work.

I started working on faculty applications that I have been poking at for about a month but have not had time or energy to work on. Without the need to plan lectures next week, I finally had the time and motivation to hammer out the eighteen different "statements" every school wanted. Statements on research interests, teaching philosophy, course proposals, teaching experience, research history, and how I will incorporate diversity into the classroom in a state that is 97% white. Each of these has to be copiously edited and trimmed and hemmed and composed so that you promote yourself to the extreme but do not come off as pompous, or even worse, as threatening to the faculty who will determine whether or not to hire you.

My friend Brian, who I forgot to call during this three day work-a-thon (18 hours a day), once noted that academics are the kids on the playground who were picked last for dodgeball. All they have are their smarts; and because of this, they never want to feel inferior in intelligence. And though I can proudly say that I was picked penultimately for dodgeball, right before an even smarter academic, Brian has a point. Academics rarely have anything but their wits and brains, and if they ever feel that those are threatened by another academic with wits, brains, and a personality, they close in like a pack of wolves around the runt of the litter. You see this at coffee hours (departmental speaker series) all the time -- a pure bloodbath just for the sake of a bloodbath. We're smarter than you, so don't mess with us!

It's a fine line. How do you apply for a job where you have to prove yourself smart enough to deserve an opportunity to join the posse, but where you don't want to come off as too talented or personable as it may result in your being discarded as glib. Not that I have to worry about coming off as too talented, as if anything I need to publish this year, but I've been told by my allies in academia that I could stand to toughen up my image more (read: become more of an arrogant ass). Note, these are my allies telling me this. They have my best interests at heart. They say that if I don't get snarly enough, the really snarly academics will be threatened and drive me out of whatever department I join someday. Academics, I guess, are supposed to seem serious and deep in thought all the time. It is our gimmick -- if we don't look serious and deep in thought, people may not take us as seriously as we want, it is argued. But the problem is this: I don't need people to take me seriously. I know I'm serious. I do serious work. I don't have to scare students into submission and be punitive with my paper comments and tests. If my instructors had been that way when I was an undergrad, I would not be here right now. But... holy cow, I'm digressing. Back on track, lad!

So these application statements are difficult to write. And they are scary to write, because you do not know who you are going to tick off. After sitting in on faculty meetings, I just know that whether or not I choose the phrase "manipulative maps" or "maps of manipulation" may result in a series of debates over whether or not I can define what I mean by "manipulation." You see, academics have to sound serious and smart, so there is a good chance that such a word flop might hold up an application for months or get it tossed out altogether. Truly stressing...

But then I reminded myself that these are my first true applications and that even if they do get tossed on the pile of rejects (read: recycling container in the hallway outside the prof's office), eventually I will apply to a department where such a mundane detail gets overlooked, and I may even get a job talk. And then... then I am pretty confident. I can do job talks. Though they freak me out, I would relish an opportunity to give a job talk. So yeah... now I just have to wait and see, and it all seems so trivial now that both applications have been filed electronically and Ben is still not here and I am going to his funeral tomorrow. It just kind of stings. Ben and I were going to be colleagues someday, finding post-doc jobs for one another's grad students. And suddenly he is just... gone. Out of the picture. I can still visit his Facebook profile, but he isn't really there. And he won't be having any grad students for me to find post-doc positions in my department for. Damnit!

So tomorrow, after I empty myself of all the water in my body via tear duct, I will grade. For the first time in my life, I am happy to have a pile of grading to do. I have three tests that are all partly graded. The cartography midterms are close -- I just have to grade their final question. I had them redesign a map of Kosovo, so that should be fun, but it will be hard not to think of Ben while grading these. Then I have the Human Geography midterms. My TAs graded those almost completely; so I just have to correct the short answers on those. And finally, I have the European map tests, which I foolishly decided to make really thorough for the students and hence a nightmare for me to grade. But luckily there are only nine tests to grade; so it should be feasible to finish them before 2019.

Anyway, I guess I'm still reeling. Not sure if anyone who knew Ben is reading this, but if so, his funeral details are posted below:

Monday, 11am
Visitation starting at 9:30am
Christ the King Church
51st and Zenith
Minneapolis, MN

My long time friend and current teaching assistant passed away this week. He had been battling epilepsy; however, he never let on just how severe his disease was. In fact, the last time we spoke about it he said they had figured it out and he might be off meds in two years and back to normal. Yet, there was something in the way that he said it that left me feeling as though he was straining to be optimistic, not necessarily realistic. That was Ben, though. Stoic; never complaining about anything.

I was flabbergasted this morning by the news. I called him yesterday and left a voice message for him, but it went right into his voice mail. He never showed up to teach his lab. At first I was a little irked, but in hindsight it all seems irrelevant. The last time I spoke to him he was apologizing profusely for not being able to make another lab, and I assured him it was alright and he just needed to worry about beating "this thing." (Thing? What was it? I'm not sure he or anybody knew what it was. Last fall he just began having seizures and blacking out. He spent January on medication, in bed, sick. He was unable even to talk on the telephone or email. The doctors couldn't figure it out.)

So today I lost a friend, a fellow map geek, a colleague, and a former student (I was his TA in 2006). I feel sick. I am kind of zoned out and clueless today. In hindsight, spring break couldn't be coming at a better time.

I'm posting his first ever map using FreeHand or Illustrator. He was one of about two students in the class that semester that put time into making good looking maps and actually learning how to use a graphics program. It showed in his work. Several weeks ago he told me he was gravely disappointed that when his last computer crashed he lost this map forever. He had not backed it up. At the time I had an inkling that as the TA I may have had a copy still. I did not rush home to find it, because I figured I would find it at some point during the semester and give it to him at the end for a job well done. I came home today, turned on my external hard drive, and found it relatively quickly. I only wish he could have seen it one more time... in case you can see it now Ben -- Job well done. Job well done.