I, Muehlenhaus. U, Riedermaus.

My long time friend and current teaching assistant passed away this week. He had been battling epilepsy; however, he never let on just how severe his disease was. In fact, the last time we spoke about it he said they had figured it out and he might be off meds in two years and back to normal. Yet, there was something in the way that he said it that left me feeling as though he was straining to be optimistic, not necessarily realistic. That was Ben, though. Stoic; never complaining about anything.

I was flabbergasted this morning by the news. I called him yesterday and left a voice message for him, but it went right into his voice mail. He never showed up to teach his lab. At first I was a little irked, but in hindsight it all seems irrelevant. The last time I spoke to him he was apologizing profusely for not being able to make another lab, and I assured him it was alright and he just needed to worry about beating "this thing." (Thing? What was it? I'm not sure he or anybody knew what it was. Last fall he just began having seizures and blacking out. He spent January on medication, in bed, sick. He was unable even to talk on the telephone or email. The doctors couldn't figure it out.)

So today I lost a friend, a fellow map geek, a colleague, and a former student (I was his TA in 2006). I feel sick. I am kind of zoned out and clueless today. In hindsight, spring break couldn't be coming at a better time.

I'm posting his first ever map using FreeHand or Illustrator. He was one of about two students in the class that semester that put time into making good looking maps and actually learning how to use a graphics program. It showed in his work. Several weeks ago he told me he was gravely disappointed that when his last computer crashed he lost this map forever. He had not backed it up. At the time I had an inkling that as the TA I may have had a copy still. I did not rush home to find it, because I figured I would find it at some point during the semester and give it to him at the end for a job well done. I came home today, turned on my external hard drive, and found it relatively quickly. I only wish he could have seen it one more time... in case you can see it now Ben -- Job well done. Job well done.