I, Muehlenhaus. U, Riedermaus.

Went to an appointment this morning on campus. Birgit had to get up butt early to go to some conference at the Hubert Humphrey Center on campus this morning. She left at 7:05. I couldn't afford to sleep in, though, even though she had taken the dog out, etc., because my appointment was at 9:00 and I had to catch a bus. I was even more rushed, after waking up at 6:50 because about twenty minutes before the bus came, and two minutes after walking outside to take Mette to the bathroom, I realized that I didn't have any money to pay the bus driver with except a $5-bill. Now, I realize the dollar is essentially worthless these days. And I am not so frugal as to think that I couldn't afford paying $3 more than the fare, but... the problem would be that I wouldn't have money to get home if I spent $5 on the way in. And the last thing I want to be these days is stuck on campus! So I put Mette in her kennel and raced up to the local strip mall -- as in the U.S. you should never be more than a good 20 minute walk from a strip mall, unless you live in the suburbs, but even there it is never more than a five minute drive, which equals about the same distance. It only took me 10 minutes. I debated about where and how to cash in my $5-bill. Taco Bell looked open already, the thought of which nearly induced vomiting at 7:55 in the morning. Keyes Cafe was too. I spotted a newspaper machine outside from the front door -- I had an alibi. I went in and asked for change to buy a paper, and a kind, chubby Minnesotan hostess, who was reading a paper herself behind the bakery counter, kindly obliged. I ran to the nearest bus stop and just caught the bus. Dripping with sweat. It's muggy as sin here this month. Or last month... but it is carrying over into this month, if you know what I mean.

I just missed my transfering #3 bus, as it whirred by me at the speed of sound while I was approaching the stop. (No problem, the driver had no chance of seeing me.) So I decided to walk to Boynton, which is only about a mile and a bit away. The trees were bright and green, the morning rain clouds had dissipated to California blue, and I was content. I hustled along and made it to my appointment two minutes early. Ah.

The way home was less timely. I missed my 3A bus by 30-seconds. I was starving and so I overcame my earlier nausea stemming from the thought of fast food and purchased two cheeseburgers at a McDonalds next to the bus stop. (Do you see a theme here? They place fast food joints right next to bus stops to sucker starving fools like myself!) I then caught a 3B bus on a transfer and got off on Hennepin Avenue in a frenzied industrial center. I missed my connecting bus by seconds, as it too whirred past me when I was only about 40 feet away. Again, I was down the avenue, and there was no way for a bus driver going 30 m.p.h to see me. Damnit!

I had grabbed a free copy of the City Pages outside the McDonalds and was reading about lesbian firefighters in Minneapolis and how they all sleep around and hit on each other and now the fire chief, who is a woman, has been suspended because she slept with so many coworkers on her way to the top that they are all lambasting her and saying she sexually harrassed them. Fascinating, reverse psychology stuff... who to believe?!?! She does look like a mean woman, though, and a similar problem occurred up north on UMD's women's hockey team, only that time involving the Chancellor who is also a lesbian. Moreover, all this reading got me thinking back to one of my former committee member's at Penn State, whose research centered on female firefighters. She hung out with them all the time in this formal group the women have set up. It got me wondering, was my committee member a lesbian, as after all I was never really sure. I had my suspicions, but then... I didn't really care as long as I got out of there. Some of the firefighters in the Twin Cities have labeled the group my committee member participated in as a "big lesbian dating organization." Now that is investigative social science! Cool! I wonder if she is working on something like "The Tea Room Trade" of female firefighters?! "The Tea Room Trade" is a book that anyone wondering about social scientific ethics and/or how to hook up in a gay cafe should read. (For the record, at Penn State we were all forced to read it in our methodology class to learn how NOT to do research. It was a disturbing read... not so much for the ethics but for what men do in public washrooms. I'll never stand at a urinal in the same way again! But hey, I'll probably make my students read it someday just to shock them. Keeping the cycle of academic hazing alive, I guess...)

I kept reading while walking. I stepped into a pot hole and damn well nearly tore my ankle off. The sun was beating down full force now, and still no sign of another bus. I finished the lesbian newspaper article while walking and realized that I was drenched with sweat and thirsty as all hell. I went into a convenience store and attempted to buy a mineral water. They told me I had to spend at least four dollars to put it on my Visa/Bank card. I decided not to debate, as I remember being a store attendant and people complaining to me. It's fruitless. It only entrenches the sales clerk even more. I found honey roasted peanuts, 50-cents a bag, and bought a half-dozen of 'em. I got my damn water, went outside, caught the next bus, got off, sat on our back stoop, finished drinking my water while reading a scathing review by a progressive of the Dixie Chicks new album, and went inside to face my fate... two hours of playing with a caged animal!

She finally passed out. I came up here and wrote this. A day in the life of nobody. And you just read it. Suckaz!


Caption: The empty chairs photo represents my worst fear -- on a day I am supposed to teach, no one bothers to show up. The picture is from Penn State during my second semester there. I was early to a Friday, 8 a.m. recitation -- that's why no one was there. I'm digging through my digital photo archives, I guess. Man, I am bored this summer...